Stop Feeling Miserable! Turn Comparison into Action: 5 Tips to Make it Work for You
We all feel emotions that can be tough to manage. In a world where talking about feelings is often avoided and uncertainty is the norm, it can be hard to handle these emotions. That's why Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy, the team behind the Instagram account @lizandmollie, have created a space where people can talk about issues like stress, anxiety, and the guilt of not being productive.
Discover Your Triggers
Bestselling author Gretchen Rubin started writing because she was envious of a fellow alum who had become a full-time writer. This shows that comparing ourselves with others can actually help us understand what we truly want. When you feel envious, ask yourself: What do they have that I want? Do I really want what they have? Could I do something to get it?
Envy can be a powerful emotional indicator of what we desire but might not consciously acknowledge. If you find yourself envying someone's career, lifestyle, or achievement, it's an opportunity to introspect. Ask yourself, what exactly about their situation triggers this feeling? Is it their job, their recognition, their balance between work and personal life, or something else? Try to be as specific as possible. The clearer you are about what you envy, the more effectively you can devise a plan to pursue that desire or reconcile with it.
Keep Envy Constructive
While comparison can motivate us, it can also make us bitter. There are two types of envy: benign envy, where we admire someone and want to be like them, and malicious envy, where we dislike someone for having what we want. When we feel that what we want is scarce, we often feel malicious envy. To shift from malicious to benign envy, try saying things like: "I'm inspired by them. I can learn from them" or "Everyone is on their own journey. I'm grateful for mine".
Envy can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can inspire and motivate us to achieve more; on the other, it can lead to bitterness and resentment, causing us to wish ill on others. It's crucial to channel your envy positively. Instead of begrudging others' success, use their achievements as a roadmap to your own success. Try to view their accomplishments as proof that your goals are attainable rather than as a personal affront. This shift in perspective can transform envy from a destructive emotion into a constructive one.
Compare with a Wider Group
If you compare yourself with only one person, you may feel like you're falling behind. But if you compare yourself with a larger group of people, you may find that you're not so different after all. This broader perspective can also help you deal with the feeling of not getting what you want.
When you find yourself comparing your life to someone else's, remember that each individual's journey is unique, shaped by different circumstances, opportunities, and choices. Instead of focusing on a single individual who seems to be more successful or happier, broaden your comparison group. Consider the diverse range of experiences and paths taken by people around you. This can help you realize that success isn't monolithic and that everyone progresses at their own pace.
Compare the Reality, Not the Highlight Reel
Liz felt envious when a friend got a big promotion. But when she thought about it, she realized that she didn't actually want to be in their shoes. She just wanted the recognition that came with a big achievement. So, when you feel envious, ask yourself: What would my life look like if I had what they have? What parts of their life do I want, and what parts do I not want?
When envy strikes, it's often easy to get caught up in the big picture and overlook the details. For instance, you might envy someone's prestigious job title without considering the long hours, high stress, and personal sacrifices it entails. When comparing yourself to others, try to consider the entirety of their situation. What would your day-to-day life look like if you were in their shoes? Are there aspects of their life that you wouldn't want? This comprehensive approach can help you make more informed comparisons and decisions.
Compare You with You
You might not be where you want to be, but you're probably not where you used to be either. Reflecting on how far you've come can make you feel proud and help you let go of negative feelings. One way to do this is to take a few minutes each month to think about what you've learned and how you've grown.
One of the most constructive comparisons you can make is with your past self. This can provide a realistic gauge of your personal growth and progress. Reflect on where you started, the challenges you've overcome, the skills you've developed, and the knowledge you've gained. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small it might seem. It's also beneficial to use your past struggles as a learning experience for future challenges. Remember, the goal is to become a better version of yourself, not someone else.
Remember, it's natural to compare yourself with others. But by using these tips, you can turn it into a positive experience. And always keep in mind that you're only seeing a small part of other people's lives, especially on social media. So, try to balance looking at people who have more than you with looking at people who have less.
