Overcoming Perfectionism: Embracing the Beauty of "Good Enough"
“Perfectionism isn't the ailment; it's merely a symptom,” declares Thomas Greenspon PhD, an authority on perfectionism and a self-confessed recovering perfectionist. At its heart, perfectionism is a mask for anxiety, with fear of failure or the dread of imperfection implying personal inadequacy. Greenspon emphasizes that perfectionism is more than striving for excellence; it's an inner self struggling with anxiety.
Interestingly, Greenspon notes that the most successful individuals tend not to be perfectionists. The reason? Perfectionism can lead to overwhelming doubt and indecision, hindering one's ability to complete any task effectively.
So, what fuels your perfectionism? Is it a quest to prove your worth to others or a defense mechanism against potential shame or judgment? While you may believe that you're striving to impress a demanding boss, oftentimes, it's a subconscious attempt to win approval from our parents or an internalized critic, whose voice has become our primary guiding force.
Perfectionism, like many aspects of anxiety, can become a familiar habit. If we've nurtured it since childhood, the self-talk that drives our perfectionism may feel like an essential part of our identity. As entrepreneur Sehreen Noor Ali astutely notes, our self-talk becomes like an old friend that should have been left in the past.
However, overcoming perfectionism isn't an overnight task. So, let's explore three strategies that can help you rewire your thinking and shift away from the habit of perfectionism:
1.Discover Your Motivation Breaking any unhealthy habit requires a strong motivation. Ask yourself this: What opportunities are you missing out on because of your fear of not being perfect?
For instance, my fear of public speaking, and the potential shame that could come with it, hindered me from applying for a TED talk. Despite my criticisms of TED talks, deep down, I yearned for the opportunity, knowing the credibility it would lend me as a speaker and author. That was my motivation. Embracing my fear and applying to seven different TED and TEDx talks, despite being initially rejected, eventually led to an invitation to speak. If I hadn't found the motivation to overcome my perfectionism, I would've missed this crucial opportunity.
2. Quiet Your Inner Critic Perfectionism is fueled by an internal dialogue that perpetuates feelings of inadequacy. Identifying and challenging this self-talk is a crucial step in overcoming perfectionism.
Whether it's mind-reading ("If I don't give 110%, they'll replace me"), labeling ("That typo happened because I'm lazy"), avoidance ("I'm never going to be able to write a good book, so why try"), catastrophizing ("I don't deserve what I have and must work harder to keep it"), or should statements ("I should run at lunch today, even though my knee hurts"), all these thought patterns amplify anxiety and perfectionism.
One strategy to combat this negative self-talk is to challenge the belief that you must be exceptional at everything. Alice Boyes, an anxiety expert, explains that this thought process is a defense mechanism, and in reality, not being the best at everything isn't a threat to your success or happiness.
3. Embrace "Good Enough" Goals Challenge yourself to set "good enough" goals instead of striving for perfection. "Good enough" is about putting in just the right amount of effort without becoming emotionally entangled in the outcome.
Sally Kempton, a Buddhism teacher, defines "good enough" effort as any effort that doesn't involve struggle. So, dare yourself to be a C+ student in some areas of your life and practice using an appropriate amount of effort. Not every project requires your utmost attention and energy. What if you gave only 79%? What if your next report doesn't soar to the heights of literary brilliance? Assess the result: is it good enough for your boss, and more importantly, for you? The answer is likely to be yes.
Consider some of the most fortuitous moments in your life. Have you ever had a meeting get canceled or a deadline extended, only to stumble upon an idea or solution that you had been struggling to find? When the mind is unburdened, creativity tends to flourish. Keep that in mind next time you're tempted to overwork yourself, and imagine the mental space that could open up if you decided to call it a day instead.
To put this into practice, try it with something outside of work. Exercise, for instance, is a good place to start. We know that there is a certain amount of cardio and strength training necessary to maintain our health, and anything beyond that is not essential. If you usually work out for an hour, try reducing it to forty minutes. Observe what happens. Is the process less stressful? Do you dread it less? Although it might initially make you feel like a failure, that feeling is likely to be temporary.
The rewards of such a shift might surprise you. By striving less anxiously, you could gain calmer, more relaxed workdays, more unimpeded time, and increased mental clarity. Is that not a worthy trade-off? Indeed, it is. Recognize that it's okay to be less than perfect in some aspects to live a more balanced and healthier life.
Perfectionism can be a comfortable habit, but it's also a stifling one. By finding motivation, silencing your inner critic, and setting "good enough" goals, you can start to break free from the constraints of perfectionism. Remember, the journey to overcome perfectionism is a marathon, not a sprint. Be patient with yourself as you navigate this process and remember, it's okay to be less than perfect.
